My gift to you

I would like to pass  on to you one of the things the Lord had given me that made life so special, I would like to give you the gift I had to see the beauty out of the most ordinary things, how to enjoy the life the Lord has given you, how to cherish every moment. I want you to enjoy life to the full, I would like for you to do it for me. I would like for you to enjoy and experience the thrill of living to the full, and praising the Lord for every moment, every breath, every spark of His creation, I would like for you to do it for me. And I know it will benefit you too. I want you to be happy again. And this happiness will only come from enjoying the life the Lord has given you, and from praising Him for it. I know you can. Even if you feel it goes against your nature, and even more so now that you feel you have nothing left that really matters to you on this earth. That’s just the devil telling you this, trying to snuff the beauty out of your life, to make you miserable. That’s not what the Lord wants for you. He also wants you to enjoy the rest of your life, even though I’m not around in the physical, because you know very well that I’m very much alive in the spirit. I have fulfilled my mission on this earth, but I still have a mission with some people on this earth. We can chat more often also, you know. I know it does help you when we chat. It puts your heart at peace a lot more. It makes our relationship more real. It is also healing for the past hurts. I know you were always there for me, you always made time for me. And I want to also make time for you, any time you want to chat, OK? I know it’s different, and I know you always cry a little also when we chat. But it still bears good fruit in the end. It puts you more at peace.

My mission

15/04/12 I know it seems unfair and sad that my life was so short and yours so long, when you were the one longing for Heaven ever since the day you got saved. But Jesus needs you, and He knows it’s a sacrifice for you, even more so now that I went before you. And with me, it’s the opposite, I loved this life so much, I wanted so much to live, and I didn’t. So we don’t always get to do what we want, but the Lord knows best, and I don’t regret it, my new life is so wonderful, and I have accepted that my life on earth was meant to be cut short, that the Lord considered that I’d fulfilled my mission, and He needed me Up Here. You probably wonder why you have to stay, well just look around you, the people you are helping, the people you are ministering to, who, thanks to you, are now winning souls and changing lives. This is your mission, Mommy, and no one else can do it but you. This is your calling, and Jesus needs you to keep on living for as long as He sees fit. It doesn’t mean that you are bad and need to learn more lessons. That’s not like that. I know people say that Jesus takes all the good ones young, but it’s not like that. You’re not any worse than I was. I know you won’t agree, but I had my faults, many faults. We all do, Mommy. I was no angel. The anointing I had was only Jesus, He made me that way, and I just followed and did my best to be what He wanted me to be, even though there were so many things I wasn’t aware of. But you have a mission to fulfill. This earthly life is unique, you only get one go at it, and you need to be thankful that you have such a beautiful mission, that your life has been so meaningful. I know you feel you don’t amount to much, but Jesus sees your heart, and He sees the repercussions of your sacrifices, and how far your influence has gone and will continue to go. You’ll see it too one day. 

Heaven is Love

11/03/2012  I miss you, but in many ways, I miss you much less than when I was on my own. ‘Cause I can come and see you any time I want. Any time I miss you, I just come by and see how you’re doing, and it does me good.

That’s what is so beautiful about Heaven. There is no place for what is not loving. All there is here is Love. And it’s so wonderful. Love heals. My sister needs love to heal. I want to give her my love so she can heal.

Healing from depression

I also wanted to tell you that I went back to my waterfall paradise to see D. She’s gonna be ok. It’s amazing to see how many people who end up here didn’t share their innermost feelings with the people who were close to them and could have helped them. I can see so clearly what a trick of the devil that is, and where his power lies, and the strategy the demons of death use on us young people. It’s almost always the same pattern. Reassure everyone, be secretive, shame about what you’re going through. Like with me the doctor said I was ashamed of my sickness, but it wasn’t just my sickness. I was also ashamed of my depression and tried to hide it and put on a bold front, which fooled just about everyone. Or even if you were worried about me, you didn’t have a hint that I would resort to something like that. It was the same for D., although she wasn’t sick with anything, but she was sick with life. She was being plagued by unseen torment, by deep depression, the kind that makes you feel you are in a black hole and can never pull out. But she didn’t tell anyone. How could she? She had everything going for her, she was successful, she didn’t think anyone would understand what she was going through, she was afraid her loved ones would either make fun of her, or tell her it wasn’t true, but to her it was so real and so dark she just couldn’t pull out of it. So she put an end to it all. She also knew she would come to Heaven. She knew Jesus would forgive her and would take her in. She didn’t think about the consequences on her loved ones, on her family. She thought, like me, that it was the best choice for everyone, that it would spare them having to find out that she was suffering from depression and that it may hurt her future carrier, or her competition. She was afraid to disappoint them, so the spirits of death convinced her to end it all. But Jesus won in the end, ‘cause she’s safe in His arms now. She just needs time to heal, and then she’ll be ok. Jesus will use anyone. He needs us, both on earth and in heaven, to accomplish His purpose, His mission. So she’s not lost. But it’s hard for her of course to see how sad her family is. She definitely wants her family to know that she’s fine, that she’s sorry to have caused them so much pain, that she didn’t mean to. That she was trying to spare them from having to discover she was suffering from depression. That she didn’t realize it would be a lot worse. But the thing they need to understand, is that depression does that to you, and it’s all the work of the spirits of death, to persuade the person who’s depressed that ending it all is the loving thing to do, is the most selfless thing to do, it is to spare your loved ones the pain of having to cure someone who is mentally ill. So that the person feels it is their only choice, and it is the best choice, the most selfless choice, out of love for their family. Even if suicide is totally contrary to a person’s personality, even if they never talked about it before, that is what depression can do to someone, and it’s perpetrated by the devil and the spirits of death that are under his command. Oh one more thing, she wanted me to pass on to her family that the Lord was with her each step of the way, that he had sent an angel to hold her when she passed away and to bring her to Him, and she was so overwhelmed by the love and forgiveness He flooded upon her that she couldn’t even describe it. But I knew exactly what she meant. In any case, she mainly wants her family to stop grieving over her and to stop blaming themselves. She wants them to know that it’s nothing any of them has done, that she loves them all, that they’ve been wonderful with her, and she wants them to know that she’s ok, she’s happy now, her depression is gone and she’s on her way to recovery. She is receiving healing now in the waterfall of the Lord’s love and she will try to communicate with them when she feels ready.

Meeting Steve Jobs

5.03.12  I want to tell you that Jesus has given me free way to communicate with you whenever you want me too. I don’t want to make you sad, as sometimes it’s difficult for you to think about me, it makes you sad, and I don’t want to do that. But I just wanted to tell you that whenever you want to talk to me, Jesus will let me. I would like so much for you to be a part of my new life. I know now that you wanted so much to be a part of my life, for me to share things with you, my projects, my dreams, my assignments, but I kept you at a distance. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and you gave me so much room to be myself, you gave me so much respect, you didn’t interfere. But as wonderful as it is to be Up Here, I miss you, and I’d like to share my joy with you. I won’t be able to share everything of course, but I’d like to be able to tell you stuff and chat with you about things, share with you what I’m experiencing. And I know you will be typing it all up, well at least when you’re at your computer, so it’ll be like my writing, ha! Anyway, if you like the idea, we can try to communicate more. It doesn’t always have to be so long, but I’d like for you to have a nice happy collection of my writings, of my thoughts, of my life (!)—or should I say of my death?—to kind of replace some of the not so happy writings you found and kept. I so wish now I had kept better records of my happy times, of my happy moods. I’m glad you did find some, but I wish I had recorded more, so there would be a better legacy left behind about my life. Thank God you have so many happy pictures where it’s obvious I was happy. I just had this need to express my feelings, especially my negative emotions, in writing. It actually helped me. I should have done the same with my happy emotions. Anyway. Never too late. 

I don’t even know where to start. There’s so much. So much beauty. Maybe I’ll just share little bits here and there with you. Oh I wanted to tell you something interesting. Remember how I collected all these quotes from Steve Jobs? I found them fascinating. He wasn’t a Christian, so I was asking the Lord about him. It’s so interesting how things work Up Here. It’s funny how we interpreted the Scriptures a certain way, and different people had all these different doctrines. But God is the One in charge of everything. I mean, He created it all, right. He even created the devil, who was a good guy in the beginning, even. Well the devil’s quite powerful, obviously. But God is definitely the One in charge, and He’s the One who governs every living soul, and every soul that passes from earth to eternity. God is the One who created every human soul, and He’s got the final say. Sure the Devil tries to claim some people, and God has to let some of them go for a time if they so choose. But with Steve Jobs, even though he was not a Christian, he was a Buddhist, it’s not like when he died he went to hell or anything. He didn’t go to my waterfall place, ‘cause that’s made especially for people like me who need healing before they can enter Heaven. But he went to another beautiful paradise type of place, so he can take time to get to know Jesus and what He’s all about. I have no idea how long he will stay there, but when I asked the Lord about him, Jesus let me come and visit him, and it was awesome. We had some super interesting conversation. He is actually a very humble man, and he realizes that all the wisdom he showed in his writings and in his dealings actually came from God. He’s realizing how much God loved him from the very beginning, and how God gave him his brilliant mind and helped him to make it big. It’s so interesting for me to see the magnitude of God’s love, how God will empower and gift someone who doesn’t even get to be a professing Christian but rather professing some other religion, and still make him something great that people will look up to. It’s all becoming clear to Steve now, and he’s also realizing how far Jesus went for him. You see, he closed himself off to Christianity when he was on earth. He didn’t like what he saw, and God understands that. But God respects the fact that he did believe in some higher power, that he did believe in God. It’s really amazing. I don’t know how long he’s going to stay in this paradise, but he’s quite happy, quite thankful to be here, and he’s so humble now. He wouldn’t let me give him any credit. I’m sure the Lord is going to give him time to choose Him, so he can end up in Heaven fully. He’s never gonna go for the devil’s bluff, I’m pretty sure of it. I don’t see how anyone could still choose the devil after having experienced the love of Jesus. But maybe some real bad people do go straight to hell, I don’t know. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about Steve Jobs, so you don’t delete all his quotes when you decide to post them on my blog. He may not have been a Christian, but he did believe in God, and he did show God’s wisdom. In God’s eyes, that was partly a witness, isn’t that amazing? One more thing, he feels sorry he didn’t share more of his wealth with charity. He was put off by the churches and by charity too, as some of them are such a racket. But he feels bad that he had hardened his heart, as he could have helped so many people. So he may not get much of a reward but I think he’s gonna make it to Heaven.